Fix You

"I want to watch the snow burn" - Sara Lidman

”I want to watch the snow burn” – Sara Lidman

”How should I act as the world seems to be going under around me?”

A question that I’ve asked myself quite often the last two months. Since this year started, I’ve lived in a constant dilemma as I’m experiencing what might be the best year since I moved away from home.

I started of this year by celebrating it with one of the persons I’ve longed to meet since we first started talking to each other. It truly is one of those moments I’ve never thought I would’ve experienced five years ago. To make it even better, the following days provided me with insight that life not always is a hassle. Japan truly changed my view on both life and on my own goals as a person. Now, for most people I know this will probably sounds generic, since we do have a lot of friends that really like Japan and always come back from the country all excited and so on. Note however; they might seem to be a bit too enthusiastic about such a thing, but most likely, to them it might actually have meant something. Don’t act like you can’t acknowledge it.

After that, I’ve been really positive around my own photography, work has been going great and I’ve started feeling like life actually has a lot of surprises waiting for me. This is much thanks to fantastic colleagues and friends.

The problem then all evolves around these friends. While I’ve had the best start to a year in a long time, most of my friends seems to have the worst start ever to theirs. Each day is met with a new problem from someone I care about. Tweets come in from near and far contemplating that one’s life might be shit. People with broken hearts can be regularly on my news feed. It’s a very harsh contrast that is being glued to my eyes as I ponder upon how fantastic the next day is going to be for me, and as I experience those day. I keep on smiling as my friends keep on sinking into a dark abyss.

I’ve never actually been in this position before. It feels very weird, and I really can’t stop thinking that for once it’s okay for me to actually not care about others problems.

Thing is; as I’ve been feeling depressed myself these past years, I’ve often taken others problems into mine own and made it into a great big mess. It’s an extremely bad habit of mine, and it’s one that I’m trying to get rid off. I understand that I still need to be supportive of my friends, but I can’t keep on feeling bad all the time because they are.

The biggest worry I fear is that people are thinking that I’m egoistic. That I’m not caring enough. That all my positive thoughts are a blatant lie to hide myself from everyone else and their problems. I’m not sure why I worry about this, I recon that the people who actually cares and know me do know that they can seek my help.

I just hate the feeling of having everyone around me feeling like shit.


About hampe

En snubbe. Gillar foto. Gillar nördiga grejer. Gillar att vara lite dum i huvudet.
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